Over the last few weeks I’ve lamented even dreaded the thought of turning 30. Unfortunately time is an everpresent and unstoppable bitch, and this past weekend I turned 30 … ”Officiallyyyyy” (Wicked reference).

But something snapped in me this morning … like a switch had been hit.

As 29 crept closer to 30, the thought/fear of being 30 just kind of overwhelmed me. I don’t know how to explain it. Part of me wanted the day to pass and to pretend it didn’t happen. The other part of me wanted to hang out with friends. Eventually the day came and I found myself at my old church (my birthday was on a Sunday) because I wanted to be around friends. I didn’t want to go to a church on my birthday where I was just another person in a pew. Later that day Steph called me on my lack of thinking. I know we probably could have done something to “celebrate” the occasion. But like I said, I was in a weird funk … there is still this weekend (whistling and looking at the ceiling).

I never thought I’d be 30 and be where I’m at now in life. There are things that I assumed would happen over the natural course of my 20s. It happened to everyone else, why not me? Still, the idea of being 30 and having many of the insecurities and inadequacies I had as a teenager just, for lack of a better phrase, “bummed me out”.

Rather than trudging on about all the negative things I thought about getting older, although I know I’m not alone since one of my friends is 28 and says he’s 25 … won’t say names, I should probably get back to the part where something snapped.

This morning I was looking at a t-shirt website and it had 30th Birthday shirts [see them here]. I liked the “Vintage 1979”. Some of them were pretty funny … and I laughed. I laughed at being 30. I think that’s when something, call it my spirit, my soul, or whatever, something clicked and I realized it’s not the Doomsday, End of the World event that I’d imagined it to be. That something said, “F**k this why do I give a s**t about getting old?”. (side note: I find myself using the “F” word a lot more.) Why do I care? Someone who’s 40 years old probably wishes he was my age. It’s just a fricken number. As far as all those “plans” that I thought would happen, well so what? I seriously doubt everyone checks off ALL the things on their “Things to do by 30” list before they reach 30. So who cares??

This has happened before. I think that same thing snapped in me a couple of years ago when I finally decided to move out. I remember being at Marc and Tara’s one night and the topic came up of me moving out. It was like a switch was turned and I said “Screw this, I’m moving out.” As much as I cared about my mother, who was the reason I was still living at home, I realized I needed to move out. She was in God’s hands, not mine. Two months later I had my own apartment. [I should add the Lord pulled a few strings to set me up where I currently live.]

I don’t know how long this empowerment or whatever you want to call it will last. But I don’t want to care anymore. Yes I still have my issues to deal with, but I’ll deal with them.

I meant to do this earlier but it slipped my mind. Awhile back I posted a blog titled “Something in my eye” (look it up if you want to). Basically an artery or vein in my eye released some blood into the clear fluid within the eye. I saw this blood as a brown spot that floated around whenever I looked to and fro.

After about a month I noticed the brown spot was much less visible and more transparent than before. During a follow up visit to the doc ( I went to the doc right away when I first saw the spot) he said he could no longer see it. What I still saw was probably the remnants of the blood as it dissolved or diluted into the eye.

Last week I noticed that the spot was gone. I don’t see it at all anymore. Praise God!

Some might want to argue that it wasn’t God’s healing but the human body healing on it’s own. Well .. who created the human body to heal on it’s own?

Was I scared when I first saw this: Yes
Did I imagine the worst possible things happening because of this: Yes
Did I trust that God would take care of this: YES

I just wanted to post a short praise report because God is still healing people today just like he did thousands of years ago.

This is my blog update for Wednesday September 30, 2009.
Thank you for visiting.

I feel by body being attacked by some form of bug … but my body appears to be putting up a good fight.

On Monday my throat had the beginnings of a sore throat which by the end of the day had evolved into a fully sore throat.

Tuesday my throat was still sore, but I felt well enough to go to work. I figured maybe it was a light strain of something that would go away soon. As the day wore on I noticed myself get a little bit congested. Not bad at all compared to past colds, praise  God, but enough that I had to blow my nose a few times. So I decided to pick up some cold medicine on the way home. I took some Nyquil last night but that appeared to make the bugger angry because I felt worse and had another long night. I woke up at least every hour with the need to blow my nose.

This morning, throat still sore, semi-congested, but praise God I at least didn’t have the associated body aches and pains. I mustered on and went to work though I thought about going to the doc. I ignored that thought because to be honest I felt pretty good. I only had a sore throat and the Nyquil had worn off so I didn’t feel as congested. As today wore on … the aches and pains decided to slowly creep over me. Crap… I feel tired and sore, like I’ve just run a marathon. On the plus side my sore throat has decided to leave. May he never come back the filthy $%#@.

So now I’m in a weird state where I don’t feel well … but I don’t feel bad either. I still feel well enough to function and move about, praise  God. I just pray this thing goes away without taking me to that oh so horrible state where you want to curl up in bed and die.

Yesterday a couple of hours after I woke up, I started to feel a small tickle in my throat like it was the onset of a sore throat. By the end of the day it had evolved into a fully sore throat complete with painful swallowing. Last night I had a rough night of sleep because I kept waking up every hour or so. This morning the pain was still there. There are times when negative thoughts come at you. Crap like “now you’re going to get sick, now you’re going to get the swine flu…” crap I was NOT going to receive. Times like this I know I need to rely on God’s word. For some reason this morning the only scripture of healing I could think of was Isaiah 53:5 ” … by His wounds we are healed.” I wanted more scripture to fire back at those negative thoughts.

Sitting at my desk at work, I got real quiet and after praying a bit for God to heal this pain and help me remember more scriptures of healing, I tried to think of other scriptures …. I couldn’t. Then when I let my mind go and stopped trying, the words from Psalm 103:3 came to mind. I didn’t know the address so I had to look it up on Biblegateway. Then 3 John 1:2 came to mind.

Psalm 103:2-3 “Praise the Lord O my soul and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases…”

3 John 1:2 “I pray that you would prosper and be in good health even as your soul prospers..”

I just thought it was cool how when I stopped trying to remember scriptures on my own, God brought them to mind. Thought it might be pretty applicable to other areas of people’s lives too. Stop trying to do things on your own. God is there to uphold you and help you.

I think I committed a “fashion faux pas” today.

I’m not 100% sure but I think I’m wearing a shirt today (Thursday) that I wore earlier this week on Tuesday … after washing it of course.

I did laundry yesterday since I didn’t get to do it this weekend. Now with a full selection of clean work shirts to wear, I grabbed one this morning that was probably worn on Tuesday. For some reason as I was giving myself a final look in the mirror after brushing my teeth this morning, I had this “deja vu” feeling like I’d seen this image a couple of days earlier. I ignored it and went to work. As the day wore on, the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced I’d worn this shirt earlier this week.

In some circles my act of indiscretion might be considered social suicide. Thankfully I don’t frequent those circles … I think.

Where to begin …

This past weekend (Saturday) I noticed several tiny brown spots floating in my field of vision. I went to an optometrist, who after a bit of gazing into my dark eyes, said my eyes seemed healthy but, since I was still seeing spots,  referred me to an ophthalmologist.

Yesterday I got a short notice call to head to the ophthalmologist. So I left work and spent a good solid 4 hours at the ophthalmologist’s office where I was tested and told to do horrible almost unspeakable things … like stick my head into a bowl and press a button when I saw a light flash.

First they put drops in my eyes to read my eye pressure. Then they placed more drops to dilate my eyes. The rest of the day could be summarized as follows:

• shine a bright light in dilated eyes by Assistant Doc in exam 1,
• wait in exam room
• shine a bright light in dilated eyes by Main Doc in exam 2
• wait in waiting room
• have picture taken of inside of eyes by “flashing” a bright light in dilated eyes
• wait some more in another waiting room
• take a field vision test (the head in the bowl with the flashing light thing)
• wait some more in a waiting “hallway”
• see Main Doc again who gives the diagnosis/prognosis

By this time it’s almost 3:00 and I’m starving, I haven’t eaten lunch yet. So the diagnosis …

According to the doc, I have a small cluster of blood floating in the vitreous gel in my eye. He called them “floaters”.  Normal “floaters” are made of the vitreous gel in the eye. Since the floaters the doc says I have consist of blood, it was very unusual especially for someone my age.

Long story less long, they can go away by being absorbed back into the eye over time. How long?… I don’t know. Sometimes they won’t go away but the eye will learn to adjust to it so you’ll still see them but it won’t be as bothersome. (I think that’s what he meant).

I’m believing and praying these things HAVE been removed in  Jesus name. I know I texted a lot yesterday asking for prayer but to be honest yeah I was a little concerned. I knew God was in control and He was going to take care of it but I was still a little concerned. Floating spots in your vision can be a little alarming. At least to me it was. I did all kinds of quiet praying in tongues and confessing God’s word to keep me from listening to all the “what ifs” my mind was telling me. I know these spots will not last because I felt the Holy Spirit tell me “Let God be God” when I was thinking too much. That gave me peace that God was going to remove them. Not IF but WHEN.

Thanks to those that prayed and will continue to pray. These things suck cuz I still see them. So I’m praying they’ll be removed soon.

I havent logged into WordPress in awhile. On my Stats I saw ‘zero’ views of my blog for almost 10 days …

“I wonder … am I losing my sex appeal?”

– quote from Sean Connery from the movie “The Rock”

Sometimes I’m afraid that the people and things that I enjoy in life will be taken away.

It kinda sucks when you question the motives of others when they show an act of kindness or gesture of friendship.

I need to stop over analyzing everything I do and everything that others do.

I need God in my life. I need the Holy Spirit to be my teacher and counselor. I need Jesus to be my savior and my best friend.

This is a sentence “updating” my blog. My triviality knows no bounds.